*Warning- This post may have triggering effects, so read cautiously*
Self-harm is when you harm yourself on purpose. This can include cutting yourself, burning yourself, hitting yourself and many more.
I didn’t know much about self-harm when I started or that it was even a thing. I just liked the feeling.
I liked being in control.
I liked seeing the blood seep down my arm.
I liked having a secret and lying when someone saw my various cuts.
I liked how it would leave a scar. How I would want to recut when I would see the scar.
I am well aware of how mental this all sounds but sometimes we think like this.
My goal today is to show those young kids that self-harm is not all it is cracked up to be. It is not a game. It is something to be taken seriously. I am hoping this post will inspire someone to go get help. To take their pain away in a different way. To not feel alone. So let us get into the post, but first.
If you self harm then please please seek help that way you can live a ‘normal’ life with no scars. I have a page dedicated to helpful resources that will help if you ever need help, feel lonely or anything else. There are various resources there so feel free to take a look Helpful Resources and
Signs to look for
I wish I knew- Self-harm is an addiction
Not many people understand this but it is true. When you self harm you feel the adrenaline. You like how it feels. At the moment, it does not hurt. Nothing hurts because you are hurting on the inside and want that pain to go away.
I know that when it is over, you regret what you did. You cry in shame. Cry wishing that you were like other people. This crying makes you want to self-harm again but you stop yourself.
Just like alcohol or drug addiction, you never truly recover. The feeling of wanting to harm when you are sad will always be there.
I wish I knew- It won’t just be a phase that I will grow out of
My brother self harmed but he grew out of it. I never grew out of it
I wish I knew- I didn’t have to hide it from people I love
I wish I knew- How happy it made me feel
I did not want to feel happy after I self-harmed but I did. I did not want to do something like this to get me in a better mood but I did.
I just wanted to feel numb. I wanted the emotional pain to go away. I did not want to enjoy hurting myself but I did.
It made me feel a sense of accomplishment. It made me feel special. Most importantly, it made me feel good when times were bad.
At age 32, I find myself still enjoying the relief that self-harm gives me. I still enjoy seeing the blood seep down my arm. I still enjoy seeing the scabs and the scars. Picking at the scabs is still pleasurable.
I wish I knew- Many many other people have the same addiction
I wish I knew- That it could evolve into worse things
I wish I knew- How much it would ruin my body
My arms will never recover from the scars of my youth. The scars of self-harm past.
My arm will not have cuts on it until I receive the correct help. Even after, my arm may still get cuts on it.
Be proud of your scars. Be proud of your past. Be proud you fought to see the next day
I wish I knew- How much people would judge
Oh, how will they judge. Your family and friends might even judge which is sad because they are the people who should be comforting you.
You will get lots of questions, dirty looks. You will get people thinking you are insane. Just ignore those who judge. They don’t know what you are feeling.